I Am Not My Hair......

This has been a busy week and it is only Tuesday. Over the weekend I noticed that some of my hair is falling out. I was told this would happen but I kept praying it wouldn't happen. As of right now I don't think it is very noticeable depending on how it is fixed, but I want to do something before it is worse.

I talked to the lady who does my hair, she suggested me see one of her friends and get extensions the kind that are sown in. I don't know how that would be considering my hair is fragile already I think it would make what was left more damaged.

I checked the forums from my surgeons office, and so many people decided to get a wig. One girl my age said she shaved all her hair off cause after the 8th month it grows back in better shape and wanted to start fresh. She still is wearing wigs cause of how less maintenance it is. I saw her pics and seriously could not tell.

I guess when I think of wigs I think of old Kim on Housewives of New Jersey, I don't think I am getting a platinum blonde and calling anyone Big Poppa one anytime soon.

I asked a dear friend of mine where is some places I could go in Huntsville and she told me of a couple to try.

I took my mom with me tonight to try it out. When I got there I was amazed on just how big the store was and how many they had to choose from. It is like all the times you have looked at a magazine and wondered how a certain hairstyle would look on you, the answer was right at your fingertips.

Two nice ladies who were shopping there helped me put my cap on and told me what to look for, considering the lady working the place was unable to understand my English.  I tried on some straight short styles like Victoria Beckham, the kind my stylist said I can never achieve since I have natural curly hair.

I tried on some funky long dark brown with red highlights in it, I liked it my mom however did not. It was a lot of fun just going and trying them on. The one I found that I actually liked was mid-length and auburn.I was going to take a pic, but didn't have my phone with me.

So I figure I will go back and make a final decision in a couple days.

Water ....I Need Water

At Home Weigh In- 328

I had my three month follow up yesterday. I had to weigh in and with clothes on they said I lost 71 pounds, I choose to go by my scale at home. You know cause its after you go to the bathroom, you havent ate yet..just a woman thing. :)

I asked the nurse if I was doing good for where I was at and she said pounds yes, but percentage no. I guess they go by some formula, the weight you are trying to reach divided by the time and so on. I am at 27%. I was kinda bummed after she said that and waited for Dr. Dyer to come in. He told me the same thing and that by 6 months I need to be at least at 50%. He told me to make sure I am getting my liquids in. That is the problem. Sometimes I can go hours without realizing I have not drank than at night I am drinking like crazy.

So he sent me off for blood work and to see the exercise doctor. She told me I was doing great with my exercise routine and I told her I do not feel like I am doing enough cause my legs, chest and arms are toning but my belly is not. I told her how crunches hurt my back on the floor, and she suggested for me to get  an exercise ball. I laughed and told her I never even thought of it cause I figured I wouldn't be able to use it cause of my weight. She told me that most balls go up to 4-500 pounds. She showed me how to do crunches on it and a bunch of material to show me how to do toning with the ball for all parts of your body.

Dr. Dyer also made me go to a support group since he heard what happened at the last one. They so happened to have one there at the office that day lead by a psychologist. I went and it was actually informative. The guy had us go around and introduce ourselves and tell them what we are going through now.
I announced that I was three months out, have not conquered the head hunger issue, I go to bed sometimes crying, and I do not like the way my body looks and I feel I am misshaped. You know me I just lay the cards out on the table!!

The leader asked me if I was aware before surgery of the saggy skin after surgery and I was like yeah I know about it, but now that it is happening it is bothering me. He said well I think you need to see our exercise lady here and start an exercise routine. HELLO? Did he really think I have been sitting on my butt the last three months? I just let him talk. He again spoke about the importance of water. It keeps the skin hydrated and helps it bounce back. So I said well I have a bridesmaid dress to fit in to next month and my stomach is the problem. He asked me when the wedding was and I told him and he replied" Well you won't fit into it then either" I so wanted to come out of that chair....after he talked about exercise some more he stated for me to contact a alteration lady cause I would need it taken in by next month. After he said that I felt better and understood what he meant by the first statement.

I don't know about anyone else, but I have grown accustomed to being on defense about my weight. Every comment, every look, everything thinking it is a direct jab. Life coming out of obesity is a new walk, and I have to learn to brush things off easier.

Another thing that happened while I was there I had a tub of clothes to bring in to the clothing closet. As Daryl and I was trying to hang up what we could another lady came in and dropped off two bags of clothes. They were exactly the size I was looking for. I was able to get a couple of things out of there!! Yeah!

Somethings that I have conquered so far:

Before Surgery                                                        After Surgery
5 minutes on elliptical                                             30 mins
Having to have grocery cart to walk in store.     Walking Wal-Mart buggy.
Legs swelled every night before bed.                   Unswelled and toned!!!
Used inhaler often.                                                  Not at all!
Had to wear old woman bras.                                Able to fit into pretty ones at Cato's
Always had to have table than booth.                 Can sit at a booth without moving the table to fit in.
Had to raise arm at movie theater seat.                 Can fit without moving arms up.

Goals After Weight Loss
Live a healthy, productive life!!
Have children
Adopt Children
Go to China with my husband and other mission trips
Try out one time for a play for Huntsville Theatre
Go on a family vacation to the beach (Daryl and I have never been on vacation)
Learn to ballroom dance
Go White Water Rafting
Go to an Amusement park with Daryl (we have never been to one together)
BUNGEE JUMP AGAIN!!!!

Back Fat, Spare Tires & Cookies......

You know what I am talking about. Mine came after Christmas vacation 8th grade. I remember sitting in Mr. Kramers class and some kids asking me if I ate too many cookies over the holiday. Therefore lasting a week with the nickname "Cookie". I just laughed it off and did something loud and obnoxious to divert attention from my weight. My Uncle Bud use to say I was carrying an extra set of tires back there. You know the lets point out how big you are cause maybe it will make you feel like loosing weight. Nope just made me feel worse.

I tried on my bridesmaid dress to realize it fits at the top, the bottom but not the middle. My body is changing but the stomach and back fat is taking a slower pace. I am doing my arm toning and my legs, I cannot seem to get the crunches in. I don't understand how people my size can do them on The Biggest Loser cause when I try too I feel like I am throwing my neck out. Now I am on a countdown the wedding is December 19th, so if first you don't succeed ...TRY TRY Again!!!

I ended up having to have my mom help me try back on the dress and with her help I found out I am about an inch away from the zipper closing all the way. A lot better than what it looked like when I tried on by myself. Oh and definetly need to get maybe a Spanx or something, just to make me feel better.

On a better note, I went to Cato's today to try on regular clothes. I have shirts that were given to me but my pants are hanging on the floor I am walking on them. These are pants I wore when I first got married and I know I didn't walk on them then. Am I shrinking? Nah, I think my but is a little smaller or flatter (thank you elliptical) so they are making them hang more. Back to my story, Cato's has beautiful clothes out for the fall. I was able to fit into a 26 jeans, and a 26 shirt. What a differance from 34/32. Also I grabbed the bras there to try to see where I was I was actually able to fit into one of the nice ones. No more boxed plain white bras yeah!!

That is all from this past week. I have my 3 month weigh in with Dr. Dyer on Thursday!!

The Food Addiction

Okay I am moving again on the scale. Yippee!! Total weight loss 75 lbs. This week has been kinda hard food wise. I guess it is cause of it being Halloween time and all the goodies that are out. Went to a Haunted House and what do they have? Deep Fried Oreos and Deep Fried Snickers. I have never heard of them till I moved south, and made a pledge one day I would try them. Ofcourse the only time I actually see them is when I can't eat it. I begged Daryl to get one so I could see what it looked like and smell it. I know that sounds crazy but it is true. I even hunted Daryl down one night cause I smelled something so I got close to his lips and smelled he was eating Frito's. It was pretty funny. It is amazing the smells that trigger your "head hunger" like you can't live unless you have some.

What is it about this head hunger? I have noticed a lot of people including me have a sense of don't deprive me. It is around so I must eat it!! Have you ever been grocery shopping get all the junk food you wanted then feel when you get home you have to have a little bit of all the junk you just bought? Yeah that was us. As I went through this week I have noticed I am not the only one. Food plays such a silent, but deadly role in our lives. If we really think about what food is suppose to be we would realize it is for nurishment and not for joy.

Who told us that food is our comfort, joy and peace of mind? Is there times that we sit down and pig out cause we are stressed, upset, or mad? When God was there the whole time wanting us to talk to Him. Not including after you are done with your pig out fest the sense of guilt comes over you and the physical pain of overeating comes in.

The past 3 months have not been easy, and when days are hard I have learned that I can't cry over a bowl of ice cream watching Grey's Anatamoy. I must get up, ask for God's help and keep moving. There is a prize to be won. It is my life, children, an active lifestyle.

Philippians 3:14

¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 5:29

²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

Big Girls Don't Cry

Okay so here I am 70 pounds lost. I am now in a size 26 and some 26/28 depends how it is made. I am noticing my pants are really hanging on my cause my legs are toning from the gym. Problem area is still my stomach. It is getting smaller but I have to start doing crunches. They are still hard for me to do.

I am having some crying spells every now and then. According to the Obesity Help forums, everyone says this is normal. Along with body dysmorphia and I need to start counseling. I guess it is when you don't see yourself as looking thinner and you are depressed. Not saying I am depressed I am just not seeing it and constantly looking at the mirror getting scared of what I will look like when this is all over.

I know you all probably think I am crazy but I am scared to death that I am going to need a lot of plastic surgery. No matter if I had gastric bypass, or lost all this weight on diet alone I am still a big girl and would need some plastic surgery. It just sucks.Then I cry over why did I let myself go so bad and when did it start?

I know this is not my usual blog on life but I wanted to document my journey and lately this has been the main factor I have been struggling with. So this week I am going to try to find  a counselor that deals with people who have had weight loss surgery.

As far as food I am handling it a lot better. It is staying down, and I am coming up with new ways to fix chicken, and fish. Sometimes I feel like I could just eat some bread and I tell myself I wonder if I would really get sick or do they just tell you that you will so you won't eat it. Then I just walk away...lol.

Bread is probably the biggest thing I miss even from sweets. I loved my pizza and rolls when we would go out to eat. And of course once a month I would make homemade tortillas...how can you eat Mexican food without them?

Anyway here is my last two weeks...I think I am just going through this process and hitting one of those bumps in the way...this too shall pass.

God Always Provides

It has been a rough week. All last week I was sick with a sinus infection. It seems getting sick after surgery is hard cause the drainage makes me nausous, so it was hard to keep food down. I finally feel better just have that lingering cough. I was at a standstill last week with my weight probably cause of me being sick and not hitting the gym. This morning at weigh-in I lost 8 pounds! Yeah. The scale is finally moving again.

I have decided to get more protein in each day with supplements. I am using Nectar in Crystal Light it adds another 23grams  per day. I wanted to take the time to let you know how good God is. He has really blessed us the past couple days.

Daryl had to go up to PA to get his dads stuff who passed away when he was 17. His mom gave it to him now cause she is moving from their family home to Myrtle Beach with his sister Krista. It was very emotional for him to get his dads tools, and childhood things he held dear to him. So it was a big expense for us to pay for a Ryder truck to go up there and back, plus the cost of Diesel. The guys left Thursday and when they hit Florence KY, the truck broke down. They had to get a new truck which kept them in Florence waiting for 5 hours. They finally made it to PA got his dads stuff and all the stuff his mom wanted to give to him. Yesterday I spoke with the lady from Ryder and they apologized for everything the guys had to endure. She is only charging us for the miles, and insurance. So a $500+ trip turned into only $225.00.

His mom gave us a beautiful living room set. When I came home Sunday Daryl had it all set up and I just cried. We never had anything that nice. I felt undeserving, we have been so use to our flop couch and unmatched furniture. 

Also another thing I have been getting nervous about what I am going to do when I get out of the current size I am in. I don't want to go out and buy new clothes when I know in a couple months I will be out of that size too. Daryl's mom sent me the most beautiful dress clothes which should take care of me a couple months. And a good friend is also sending me some clothes, I am so excited and thankful how God knows our needs and supplies.It reminds me of something a saint in the Lord said "Ask God for your wants, cause He already said He would supply your Needs!" And that is what he has done.

I know this isn't my typical blogging and rants, but I felt I needed to let people know what God has done for us this week. Maybe you are going through something and feel like God isn't listening or there is no way that miracle is going to come. Just hold on He always sees the big picture that we can't see. He loves you today, and will always take care of His children.

The Fitting Room

If any of you struggle with weight you understand when I say the fitting room is the last place you ever want to go. I have spent the last 2 years just picking up something and hoping it fits only to take it back or think one day I will fit into it. In my latest venture of being able to fit in to some of those clothes packed away I wondered what size I was in now.

I went to Wal-Mart last night with my husband and grab an outfit to try on. I got back to the fitting room and chickened out and walked away and put it back on the rack. Today I figured I would try it again. So my mother and I went to Cato's after work and browsed through the plus section. I was hesitant at first but when I got back to the Clearance side I thought to myself it has been a long time since I have wore a dress. Maybe since Gretchen's wedding which was right after mine so almost 5 years.

I found a really cute dress that I wanted to try on and my mom told me to go for it. The lady started a room for me and I gently tried the dress on cause I was afraid it was too tight and I would rip it. (Come on we've all been there!!)

The dress fit!!! I was so happy I didn't care and came running out of the dressing room to show my mom. I pranced around the mirrors a little bit and thought boy this will look even better when I work more on my tummy at the gym....so motivation leaped a couple feet!

I took the dress off and put on my regular clothes and put the dress back on the rack. Satisfied enough that I am down 4 sizes and didn't really need to buy it. My mom stepped in and bought the  $40.00 dress that was marked down to $11.99. She said hey Daryl can take you out somewhere really nice to celebrate in this dress.

So after I came home I hit the gym my legs are a little sore but it was sweet victory today!!